rough start...great end!

Today was about a 1/2 & 1/2 day! It started off like shit! It was icey when I got up and mom fell, then nana fell then dad had to drive in it to go to jury duty! Then I had to be at work at 12... NO FUN driving in that mess with no defrost and you have to stop every 5 minutes to scrap ice off! i finally made it to work. ON TIME might I add. Then it was SUPER slow! We straightned everything about 100 times! Then the bad really started! My friend and I were eating lunch together and she got a phone call saying someone in her family had tried to kill himself! It was awful! I was so concerned about her driving in that state of mind and with the weather like it was! (I'm praying for you and your family girl...) after I went back to work I saw a certain person who brought some VERY UNANTED feelings....and thats all I will say on that note! Then to top it all off, there was this little old man in the store wondering around like he was lost, so I went up to him and asked him if I could help him and he said yes...he was looking for a few shirts and mittens and wanted to buy 2 gift cards! Now to all of you, thats not a bad stituation! but this little old man looked, acted and talked just like my papa. My moms dad who passed away a little over a year ago! My papa wore his hats just like that old man and he used to buy me jcpenny gift cards EVERY YEAR!!!!! Helping that man, I couldn't help but remember papa... I had to pass him off to another associate while I gathered up my tears and my nerve... It was so sweet and was just kinda like a reminder that even though my granma and papa aren't with us on earth, they will forever be with us in our hearts and our minds and no one can ever take away my memories! I got off work at 7 and went and got some stuff and came home! Thats when my day got better! I dyed my hair black with red streaks in it! I LOVE IT!!!! I have a new found confidence! Next week I'm going to get my tattoo covered up and my lip peirced and I have a feeling thats going to be the icing on the cake for my self confidence! I love my new found life and my changes that are happening! I've lost alot of weight and it just feels amazing! Even more I LOVE THE NEW PEOPLE that are in this new life! They love and accept me for ME and as long as I'm happy...so are they! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS AND START OF A NEW YEAR THAT I'VE EVER HAD!!!!!!

What do you do when you try so hard but just can't seem to breathe easy!

I feel like there's an elephant sitting on me hindering me from breathing! Work today was very hard not just because it's work but because I've had so much weighing on my mind! This "new" life is beginning to look bright but at the same time the brightness is almost overwhellming! Now that I have the freedom to go out with friends or get tattoos without having to hear someone complain or get my lip peirced or wear certain things...now that I have the right to make up my own mind without the concequences of hearing someones negativity...I just second guess myself! I sit back and look at the life I've had and the life that I could now make and I wonder whats the right choices and whats the wrong ones! I'm so happy and appreciative to have such wonderful girls to call my friends now...they have been there for me to talk to through alot of the mess I'm going through and some have even been going through it as well! I know that I can always count on them to be there with open ears and arms! I know later on down the road I will start dating again and it makes me so nervous...I have a gaurd up that I feel like will take something strong to knock down. I know I will always be on the defence now or always have that trust issue in the back of my mind...(granted all that is WAY down the line) I wish work was a little more set in hours and not just random! I don't like being alone or feeling alone. Even though I'm with mom and dad...I feel like most of the time I'm in the way! I wanna go out and have fun with friends! I feel like I can't do that as much because of work or because I don't want to come into my parents house late and I don't want them to worry about me! I'm trying to save for my own place but no matter how hard I try I know its going to be a struggle to do that and pay my bills all on my own! That freedom will be something completly brand new and it kinda scares the hell out of me! But at the same time I'm SO ready! I think my brain likes to confuse me... I'm ready and excited for everything but at the same time I'm scared and I know trouble will come eventually! That's why it's called LIFE!!!!

New year coming up & a new life already started!

I bet all of you that follow my blogs wish that I’d stop getting new ones! I swear this one is the last one! Lol!
A lot has happened in the past 6 months or more and life’s been a bitch for a lack of better words! First, the lawyer mom works for was murdered in the parking lot. She had just left work 3 minutes before. She as well as everyone else was very shaken up because it really could’ve been any of them who was hurt. Her job has been up in the air since. Then, Dad had his motorcycle accident and had to have his foot amputated. Its been a really long, hard road but he’s now walking on his own without crutches some. Now, Cody and I are going through a divorce! YES, I’m sure all of you are shocked BUT, its been a long time coming! We just kept it hidden until we knew exactly how it was gonna end up! I’ve been back at mom and dads for a while now. I got my job at JC Penneys and am doing fairly well! Its tough on everyone with me being back home! I feel like a burden to them and I feel like I should just be on my own, and out of the way! I know they love me and don’t mind me being here, its just not an ideal situation!
I’m beginning to find happiness again! it’s a great feeling! I have awesome new friends that accept ME for ME. I have a job and can provide for myself now. My family still loves me and forgives me for the mistakes I’ve made. Even though I’m not out of the woods yet, I’m starting to see the light at the end. I’m moving forward and have a positive outlook on what my life has planned. The past is the past and will be left there! I will NEVER dwell on the what could’ve beens or the ifs.
For all of you who have stuck by me, who have given me advice, who have given me a shoulder to cry on, or who have just listened…thank you! What goes around comes around and I’m here to return the favor!
The next few posts will probably be more updates or answering questions now that its finally OUT in the wide open that I’m getting a divorce so sorry if you’ve already heard the story…bear with me!